quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I am available for nakedness
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
