Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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