yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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