If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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