so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
