you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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