And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
