Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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