if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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