I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
