when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She bit a glass in half.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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