either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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