i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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