Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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