You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
