I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
