I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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