I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
