I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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