Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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