ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
