You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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