SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
sex in a hospital.. check
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
