I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
