is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
