using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
