and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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