i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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