Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
