Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize