I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
