he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
