I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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