it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
