wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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