She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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