I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
