You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
