i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
