Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Randomize
