There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
