apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
