Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
