the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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