She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
