That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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