FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
