she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
