my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize