I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
