I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
