Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
