Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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