My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
