May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
