my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
