What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
