found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
