'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He is an equal opportunity slut.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize