Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
