You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
