Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Apparently you make a good broom.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
