Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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