next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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