wanna go halves on a baby?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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