Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
