"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
