i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
