no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
