Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Girls should come with a carfax report
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
