they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
