The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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