And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize